Sunday, August 24, 2008

Entry for November 03, 2007 ~ Speaking of Michael...and me...

It has come to my attention that, in a Group to which I belong, right here on Yahoo, that no one knows I have changed since my very beginnings, so *ahem* I am about to change that myth...
I have never denied being a bit different than what I may appear to be now, as you see me in my present state. (This is, thanks to Almighty God, the result of many years of learning, tried and true!)
But the fact remains, and I cannot change it ~ nor would I want to ~ I do have a past part of me, one who followed what everyone else thought I should be, and not what I already was. As I move through this mortal life, there is definitely one thing I can claim: I have lived my life.
I grew up in typical suburbia, the fourth of six children, and always feeling different than the others...why, I have only to hazard a guess...but there it is. And it is the truth, as I see it. Ever since I can remember, I have felt this vast difference, apart from my own family. Not as a bad way to be, oh no ~ but definitely not like the rest.
My parents were always there to remind me, especially my Mother ~ 'Jennifer Marie, you have your head in the clouds again!' or 'You're a real dreamer; when are you going to wake up?'
I had always wanted to make my way drawing pictures...but heaven forbid! One cannot make a living that way, as they told me ~ so I was talked into becoming an Art teacher. I never really wanted to do this, but to keep the peace, I went along with the 'Grand Plan'. I must have been out of my head...
Then, as I drifted from mundane job to mundane job, I was always feeling that call to draw pictures. So, in my spare time, that was exactly what I did ~ not so much to make money (impossible, remember?), but just for fun and to keep my hand in my Art. In the meantime, I moved out on my own, finding a flat with a friend, and I was on my way.
As I grew into my new life, I began to date my future husband, Michael, who has believed in me always right from the start. We had been best friends for months and finally began to merge into the couple that we are today. love struck
He has, I am happy to report, always seen me for what I truly am, regardless of how my family saw me even from the days of my very childhood!
He has encouraged me to be what I have always wanted to be...and now that our children are grown, and I have more time on my hands, I can finally pursue my Art in a more serious fashion than I ever have before...not withstanding anyone's lack of confidence in me, my ability as an Artist, or my drive to get where I want to go.
If I create a piece to give away, sell or keep ~ it really doesn't matter to him or to me. People in my own family are constantly asking me, 'Are you still drawing pictures?' to which I respond, 'I have never stopped! And you...are you still breathing?' ...just goes to show how well they don't know 'yours truly'...waiting ...
There are many facets to my life that are hidden from those who profess to know me and my life ~ and I choose to keep it that way. Family members who could not care less about anything I do, what I have been through, where I am them I say, 'Nice try, but no cigar! Think of me however you like, it won't change a thing.'
And to my 'real' family, or those who know me best, I say, 'Well done! You have always understood. You know more about my ways than anyone else who has professed to know me since Day One. You are the ones to whom I will be close for the rest of my days.'
I feel no need to explain myself to those who fall into this group ~ they have been here since the beginning of my life with Michael. They have seen my growth, both as a Catholic wife and mother, and as the Artist that I have always been, even though those who were there in the very beginning refused to see it, as they couldn't see the 'real me' anyways! (I can really only think of one or two who differ from the norm, here...)
And to those who can sit back and judge what they perceive from afar, as if they could possibly know anything about me in the first place, I have no desire to explain.
Nor will I ever...
yawn ...

No comments: